Dear Rhonda and Dr.
Cheri,
My brother’s friend did sexual things to me against my will.
He threatened me, if I tell on him. No one else was home, except him
He’s been at our house alone with me lots of times before
and nothing ever happened. He’s been my brother’s friend forever.
I’m 13 and I’ve never been sexual with anyone. Was I raped?
I took a shower afterwards. I know you’re not supposed to do that, but I was
crying and I have bruises.
I’m scared to tell my family. They won’t believe me. My
family knows I’ve had a crush on him.
He said he’d hurt my family if I told anyone. I’m so
depressed.
I also don’t want to ruin Christmas for everyone.
Signed,
Scared Sister
Dear Scared,
You’re the victim, and we’re so sorry. Sexual assault may create
trauma for you and last well into your future, Christmastime or not.
Sexual assault means any unwanted or forced sexual activity
done to you by manipulation, coercion, or force, and may include molestation,
rape, incest, and sexual abuse. It’s a crime and an act of violence.
Just because you showered doesn’t mean you don’t have
evidence of his attack. Get pictures of your bruises immediately.
Abusers commonly use threats and fear tactics. Your abuser
is counting on your fear … fear that your family won’t believe you or they may
be harmed. If your family doesn’t believe you, still report his actions to the
police.
Your attacker is also trying to use your attraction to him
as a shame factor. You’ve done nothing to deserve any violence or sexual
attack. Don’t let anyone shame you for being attracted to your brother’s friend.
You are innocent and he’s the criminal.
This is a horrific offense and needs to be told now. Don’t
wait until after the holidays. It could easily happen again to you or others.
As difficult as it feels to you, stand tall and have direct
eye contact when telling your family members. And when you appear before your
attacker in court, don’t have eye contact with him. He’ll likely try to
intimidate you.
You didn’t choose to be a victim, but you can choose not to
stay one. It takes heroic courage to report this kind of maltreatment. We encourage
you to be your own hero.
Advocate for yourself because it will help you heal
emotionally and you’ll be a great example to others.
Also, remember this, sexual violence usually increases
around the holidays. You can still be strong and stand tall against this wrong.
Our prayers are with you.
Signed,
Rhonda and Dr. Cheri