Sunday, December 18, 2016

When spoiled kids grow up to be spoiled adults

Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,

It took many, many years of struggling and sacrificing for my husband and I to become doctors. We just finished paying off student loans a few years back.

We both came from families that had nothing.

Both of our families worked in restaurants and we helped my parents buy a small family restaurant in Queens, New York. They still have it and work almost every day to keep it running.

The gratitude we receive from our parents every single day is so sweet and kind.

However, we are writing to you because our hearts are broken. The reason is because we raised spoiled kids who grew up to be spoiled adults.

When we were first married, we couldn’t afford anything for Christmas presents. When we started to make some money, our kids were in middle school and we spoiled them to make up for the past.

Now they don’t ever write a thank you card or even call when they get gifts. We worry most about our parents, who are very sad to never hear from their grandkids with any appreciation.

We paid for our kids’ expensive schools and still haven’t received any thanks.

For the last few Christmases, our kids haven’t come and visited because they are too busy or whatever.

They never say thank you or write a hand-written note. It’s always a quick emailed, “Thanks for the gifts.”

We are sick about having spoiled them and our parents say we should stop. We don’t want to hurt our kids’ feelings. We love them and want to give to them, but we are so sad. How do we change this situation?

Loving Parents 

Dear Loving Parents,

You have gone above, and above, and above, and beyond, what any parent should do for their kids. We applaud your loving intentions, however, they are acting entitled and they will continue to expect you to take care of their every desire if you don’t stop now.

We feel you should write each child an individual letter and say something like the following:

Dearest Susie Q,

Your grandparents brought us up with love, values, and generosity. 

They worked hard and made sacrifices just to put something on the table for dinner and give us a place to live.

They were sad that we had to take out student loans, but proud when we graduated.

Later, anything we could give them, be it a bag of groceries, was so appreciated. 

Your grandparents and we love you, but we are sad, disappointed, and hurt because we don’t feel you care about our love, generosity, or spending time with us. 

We aren’t saying this to upset you, or “cut you off” from financial help. We say it because we failed to teach you how to sacrifice, how to say thank you, or how to show your love and kindness to us and your grandparents.

Your family needs to take priority. 

Please don’t let us down again. Come and visit and we’ll have a great time.

Your loving parents

The bottom line is that you may, in a loving way, let your kids know they were given too much for their own good and didn’t learn important life lessons such as: sacrifice, gratitude, nurturing others, and responsibility.

Rhonda and Dr. Cheri

Sunday, December 11, 2016

The headless Barbie

Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,

I have had a friend since we were in pre-school. We played Barbies and had tea parties. We did everything together.

When we were in first grade, we even dressed alike on certain days. We went to the movies and took ballet together. But, lately I feel like she’s just hanging on me. I mean like really. So I told her to please not hang on my arm and stuff.

My friend got so mad she threw a glass of milk on me and said in a really mean way, that I had become a snob and I just wanted to hang around the popular kids.

I got mad because it’s not true! I told her to stop acting like my little sister, who is 3. She went crazy and ripped my favorite Barbie doll’s head off. I cried and cried and she did not care. Her mom came to talk to my mom and we all tried to talk, except her.

My friend’s mom bought me a new Barbie but she’s not the same. I don’t want this girl to be my friend anymore.

My mom said that we all make mistakes and I should give her another chance. I don’t want to do that. It’s her fault and she was really mean.

Not my friend 

Dear friend,

Friends are definitely one of the most important aspects of any person’s life, as they provide support and comfort during confusing and difficult periods of your life.

Friends are one of the top things we all are concerned about because they can greatly affect your mood and overall stress levels in a negative or positive way.

You seem mature enough to understand these two concepts and maybe your friend isn’t quite in that same thinking mood, yet.

People are often judged on who their friends are, forcing more pressure through the creation of cliques. Your friend could be afraid she’s going to lose you, so she hangs onto you even tighter.

Comfort her that she is still your friend. However, she cannot treat you or your things badly.

If you’re worried whether you belong to the most popular set in school, or the geek clique, don’t stress so much – everyone else is worrying too.

PLUS, remember, you do not have stay with friends with people if they are unkind or treat you offensively. Don’t explain, or engage in drama … just be kind but firm. Choosing friends is a skill that takes a whole lifetime to develop.

Communication is with C.L.A.S.S. = Connect with compliments … even to yourself. Listen. Ask Questions to gather more information. Summarize what you heard. Suggest things to do together.
Be the friend you’d like to have.

Rhonda and Dr. Cheri