Sunday, June 26, 2016

I'm ashamed I was date raped

Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,

On my 16th birthday, I drank alcohol for the first time. It started at home because my parents said they knew I would drink, so they bought me champagne.


I didn’t eat much that day because I had my first real date where a guy picked me up in a car and took me to dinner for my birthday. I was feeling the alcohol a little.

My date was Jason (not his real name). He’s 19.

I am sure Jason drugged me at the restaurant where he ordered me a vodka and OJ. I only drank half of it. I didn’t really eat because I was nervous and not even sure I liked Jason.

Jason was sure about everything. He took me to a club an hour away. I remember dancing and then I remembered nothing.

I woke up in a hotel in another town. It was 4 a.m. and I had a sheet wrapped around me and my clothes were on the floor everywhere.

According to Jason, I got drunk, seduced him, we had sex, and I passed out. Jason said he had to call my parents and convince them he was watching out for me and he’d make sure I was safe and bring me home in the morning.

My parents simply said, “Don’t do that again” … as in drink too much, pass out and embarrass myself on a date.

A friend heard Jason say he’d had sex with me after I passed out and made jokes about it. Now I have heard Jason’s former girlfriend say he did the same thing to her. She won’t tell anyone because she thinks no one would believe her because they had sex all the time.

My friend keeps telling me to tell the police or my parents or someone. I can’t! I’m ashamed and no one will believe me. Plus, I don’t have any evidence and it was months ago. I’m going crazy that this happened!

Signed,
I’m Ashamed I Was Raped

Dear Victim,

You are a victim. Sexual assault happened to you. This was an act you did not want to happen and you did not – because you were unable to – give consent. You could not give consent when you are unconscious.

You need to heed your friend’s advice and report this. It’s the only way you’ll start healing! Tell your truth, pray, and start the process of forgiving Jason for your sake. Your process may take many years!

When you were under the influence of drugs and/ or alcohol, you were not able to sense danger or resist a sexual assault. Even if you drank alcohol or willingly took drugs, you are NOT at fault for being assaulted.

Rape is defined as sexual intercourse without one party’s consent. Most state laws refer to this crime as “sexual assault,” “sexual battery” or by a similar term. Whatever you call it, rape is a crime defined by and punishable under state law.


We have great compassion for you. You were raped by an adult man in whom you had confidence. You trusted his decency and for that, you can’t be faulted

It’s an act of violence and you were violated.

What you didn’t know is that Jason (or any person who commits rape) is measurably more angry at their victim and more motivated by a desire to dominate and control them. Men who commit this crime are more impulsive, less inhibited, anti-social, hyper-masculine, and less empathetic.

Jason is a coward and a criminal, plain and simple. He’s also an adult and you are a minor.

Facts:
•One in four American women will be the victim of a rape or attempted rape in her lifetime, and 84% of those will know their attacker.

• Only about 5% of women/ girls report their date rape.

Please know we care! Go to a trusted adult and report this crime! Keep doing this until you receive the help you need!

Signed,
Rhonda & Dr. Cheri

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