Sunday, October 11, 2015

Beauty and the Bully

Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,

I’ve been reading your column for a while now and I haven’t seen you address why so many girls that are pretty or beautiful, get bullied?

I’m concerned about this because my daughter has become tall, long-legged, has a beautiful angular face with a killer smile and eyes that everyone notices. She is literally stopped in public and told how gorgeous she looks!

They don’t know she was bullied because she was small, had buck teeth, and acne. They don’t know that as she grew taller, I had to try to get her to stop slumping over.

My girl is smart, funny and she doesn’t dress sexy at all. But now other girls, mostly, although some boys, have called her horrible names that she doesn’t deserve, are relentless with spreading rumors about how conceited she acts, how rude she is, how mean she is. These girls have texted, emailed and put on Facebook some of the most awful lies about her for no good reason.

One boy said to her in front of other boys, evidently, that she was awful in bed so why doesn’t she “stop acting like the hottest girl in the world.” She cried for days and refused to go to school.

When I told my friend, she said to me, “Since when did teasing become bullying?” What do I say to that insensitivity?

Mom of a Bullied Beauty

Dear Mom,

Since the beginning of time, jealously turning into envy has hurt genuinely beautiful and good people.

Jealousy is fine if it helps someone to take better care of themselves.

In fact, wanting to be our best is healthy because when we feel good enough about ourselves to stop focusing on ourselves, we can turn that focal point into making a good difference in the lives of others.

We make more mental space for positive thoughts about others when we stop filling our mental space with things like, “I hate my hair,” “I wish I wasn’t so fat,” or “I’m so ugly and stupid.”

However, healthy jealousy means wanting something for ourselves and trying hard to gain it, make it, or do it. Instead, the evil envy in bullies means they can’t stand someone else having, being or doing something they don’t want to try to earn, or think they can’t have or feel they won’t ever be as great or as beautiful as someone else.

Bullies with envy don’t “tease” … they want to destroy another’s beauty, poise, intelligence, talents, reputation or goodness. Bullies aren’t just jealous. They are filled up with toxic envy.

The problem with the envious lies in a bully’s belly is they get hungry again and have to keep filling it back up.

Tell your daughter to dismiss envy and share her goodness no matter the results- good or bad. She wins when she won’t feed the envious bully.

Rhonda and Dr. Cheri       

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