Sunday, August 30, 2015

My brother is molesting me



Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,                                           

I’m 12 years old and my brother is 16. He started touching me when I was like five. Now he’s forcing me to have sex with him.

He still babysits me everyday. I told my mom I don’t need a babysitter anymore. She told me it was good for me to have a “protective brother” around me and I should be thankful. 

I told my mom when I was eight. I just told her he was just touching me. I told her it was no big deal. I don’t know why I said it’s no big deal. I hate him. He’s disgusting. I feel guilty. I wish he was dead.

My mom’s been divorced since I was a baby. She told me he was only curious about sex. She said she would have her boyfriend talk with him man-to-man. Nothing happened.

Now I am getting boobs and he’s so cruel! He also started putting me down and calling me “ugly b-----” and a slut. He pushes and yells at me. Then he acts like an angel around mom.

We have dinner together and I can hardly sit there and eat anything. My mom told me to stop being sad and eat. Then my brother said that’s why I’m so skinny. He said I was so skinny that no guy will ever want to be with me.

The next day was more porn and then more sex. I can’t stand him. I really do want him dead. I’m scared.

Signed,

Brother Molester-Sister

Dear Brother Molester-Sister,

You did nothing wrong! You do not deserve this abominable molesting. It’s so wrong on so many levels.

We understand your anger, hurt, and confusion. It has to stop! Please tell your mom and if she doesn’t believe you or do anything, tell a teacher at school who is mandated to tell an adult who will take care of you. You will be able to have therapy to help you feel like the precious daughter of God that you are.

You are courageous to have told your mom once. Be courageous again. You deserve a better life. You need your brother away from you and you need healing time and space.

This is, unfortunately, more common than most think. One in every four girls will be sexually assaulted by a relative. Tell your mom that you wrote us because you are worried she won’t believe you. Tell her how he’s bribed you and threatened you and you did not deserve this.

This will be hard—we can’t tell you otherwise. Harder still would be for you to silently suffer for the rest of your life and to miss the experience of a loving, gentle and caring husband and children that will truly protect.

We are sorry this happened. You need to concentrate on using your voice and goodness to stop your brother. Many psychologists believe molesters are incurable.

Signed,
Rhonda and Dr. Cheri

Sunday, August 23, 2015

A Crushed Christian

Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,

I'm a Christian who goes to a public high school. I was home-schooled until my parents said I needed to learn how to deal with the "real world." I wish they would come and see what the real world is like for me. It's real-mean!

I get pushed and shoved. Kids swear at me, tease me, ripped my jacket and tell me I should get laid. They tease me about me even understanding what that means. I'm not stupid.

They took my bible and threw it around the room. I tried not to cry and it just doesn't work.

I made a good friend who said she was Christian also. Then when I invited her over to my home and she met my parents and saw pictures of Jesus Christ, she left early and didn't have dinner with me like she said she would.

The next thing I know, she and everyone is writing stuff about me on Facebook. I don't even have a Facebook account. So that girl and her friend printed it out and shoved the papers into my locker.

They don't treat the atheists this badly! They respect them or something. I want to go to a Christian school or be home-schooled again. Sometimes I just don't want to be Christian anymore.

My parents tell me to be kind and turn the other cheek like Jesus would do. That maybe worked for him, but it doesn't for me.

Why would anyone be so cruel just because I'm a "Christian-Christian?"

If this is the real world, forget it!

Signed,

Treated Worse Than an Atheist



Dear Worse than an Atheist,


We admire your valiant belief and being who you say you are. Take your faith and do not stand down! Do not give in and do not give up!

As you embrace your authenticity, you will find less and less need to be concerned with what your cruel abusers admire ... be it atheists or "cool" kids. You know in your heart of hearts that you are stronger than the fiercest bullies who are tormenting you. Concentrate on you and how you handle challenges.

As the warrior of your belief, you are being faced with our current upside-down world. You parents have faith in you and they believe in your courage and capabilities. You have talents that you haven't yet tapped into ... such as creating a mentoring program at your school for leaders you find that have compassion for the ones not yet strong enough to defend themselves.

We suggest placing your energies where they count, such as, start a club of like-minded people (of all religions and beliefs) and invite them to help you join in the virtuous fight against campus injustice. Write a newsletter and get approval from a teacher to help you change your school environment and the type of leaders that are revered. You can change in this process and you will love yourself and others more than you'll imagine.

Be FEARLESS! Use prayer for guidance and to come to know the angel you are and need to be on your campus.

Use your body language to do your speaking. Stand up tall! Stand up to the small minded. Other "Christian-Christians" need your leadership!

We believe in you too!

Signed,

Rhonda and Dr. Cheri

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Am I gay?



Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,                                           

I had bad boyfriends! I have been noticing other girls, besides me, being called sluts and ho’s all the time by guys and cool girls.

Guys say, “I’m going to bang a ho tonight.” or, “She’s a good slut.” They show “Lesbos” on their porn apps. 

Girls act like they’re gay in front of guys. Guys really like it. I don’t know if the girls are actually gay or not.

Two girls in my dance class really act gay. They hang all over each other kissing and stuff. I’m friends with one of them. She said it made her feel uncomfortable that I was always gawking at her. I wasn’t staring at her, I didn’t think.

I slept over at her house once and she winked at me. It was flirty but I didn’t do anything. It felt kinda good, though, like when I’m into certain guys! What’s up with that?

Then I thought maybe I was starring at her, but everyone looks at her. She’s the hottest girl at school. Guys always act like they want her.

She used to be with the cool people at school and had a boyfriend. He cheated on her so I guess that’s why she’s a lesbo.

I don’t know. I’m starting to think I’m gay because I think about this all the time. Plus a teacher said 15 % of women are gay now. Maybe I am.

Also, guys are kind-of creeping me out lately. I don’t trust them.

Signed,
Am I Gay?

Dear Am I Gay?

You are seemingly caught in a cultural trend. This trend does not value or respect women as real human beings. This trend encourages all types of sex with anyone at any time. This trend has boys and girls with pornographic applications on their phones showing shameful, hostile, and often, violent images of pornography objectifying men and women.

This trend also doesn’t appreciate and esteem women or men for wanting and waiting for true love and marriage. This trend is not a healthy one that reveres compassionate, honorable, and spiritual relationships.

Instead, this trend is self-centered on pseudo-people images. It values narcissism and being “cool.” However, YOU can help change this fashion.

It is not acceptable for our culture to treat sex with such casual and flippant regard whether it’s heterosexual or not.

The report you mentioned is from a psychology magazine which states that women are now 15% lesbian or bi-sexual. It’s a good idea to verify more sources for statistics than one.

In any case, reports don’t matter in YOUR choices about your definition of YOU! A trendy statistic may cause controversy and controversy sells magazines.

Being gay is a fad, to some, in our current society. Fads aren’t a best practice in making choices. Also, negative experiences with guys don’t equate to being gay or not.

The fact that you recognize attractive people does not define your sexuality. 

We encourage you to be true to yourself. Keep looking for maturity, respectfulness, worthiness, and goodness in a true and mutually loving relationship. Be patient with yourself and others. Clarity will come!

Signed,
Rhonda and Dr. Cheri

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Was I raped?



Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,                                           
 I was just raped (I think) by my brother’s best friend since second grade. They are in high school now and I’m in 8th grade. I had a crush on him for a long time. My whole family knows about my crush. I am shocked, hurt and I don’t know what to do.  I’m afraid my mom will find out and not believe me.

I was wearing sweatpants and a razor-back top from working out. He snapped my top from the back and I turned around and he said, “So you think you’re hot huh?” Then he turned me around and pushed me on my bathroom floor. He held my head down so I couldn’t see him and he pulled my sweat pants down and my underwear.

I was crying and my face was all red when I got up. I was disgusted by what he did to me but he did not force his way into me. So I don’t know if that’s rape or not. He said, “If you say anything, I’ll just say you wanted it.” He threw a towel over me and left.

It happened really fast. Like three minutes or something. I stayed in my bathroom and took a really long shower. I didn’t come out of my room until I knew he was gone. The guy acted like nothing happened and went back into our family room with my brother.

My mom made me take a self-defense class a year ago so I can protect myself. I was really confident but now I feel gross and embarrassed.

I feel like it’s my fault because I was into him. I’ve never even been kissed or anything.
Signed,
Raped?

Dear Young Lady,
 YOU did nothing to deserve being sexually assaulted. You have the right and obligation to advocate for yourself. You have been violated. Tell your parents and ask that they help by calling police. They can get you professional help to realize you have rights and can reclaim your confidence and voice. You have no blame in this situation. You are the victim of a crime.

Sexual assault means any unwanted or forced sexual activity done to you which includes molestation, rape, incest, and sexual abuse. You were sexually assaulted which included threats and fear tactics. 
In most states, rape means a specific type of sexual assault by manipulation, coercion, or force. However, you need a lawyer and the police to help you and your family know what exact crimes were committed and how to pursue the attacker.
 
We do know that your attacker committed a crime of violence, not passion. He used sex as his weapon to overpower you and degrade you.

Your voice needs to be heard so you can regain your confidence, self-love instead of loathing, and leadership. If you believe in God, pray for his help in comforting you and in finding a good therapist to help you.

Let the truth come out and let the consequences be on him and not you. Break through your fear because you will not only significantly help yourself but many others who have been sexually assaulted.
Signed,
Rhonda and Dr. Cheri

Monday, August 3, 2015

Bullied on the Bus



Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,

Last year I was riding the bus to school and I was bullied everyday. Three kids would force food into my mouth. They would laugh at me, poke me, call me names and pull my braid. No one did anything, not even my sister.
They called me stupid, ugly, fat, said I was a pig and made pig noises, and said I could die and no one would care.
On the last day of school I pinched one of the girls really hard and the bus driver said that because I made a mark on her, she had to report me. I got into trouble at school and by my mom too.
My mom yelled at me and said, “What’s wrong with you.” Then she called my dad and he told me to stop upsetting mom. He doesn’t care either.
The same kids are going to do all that again now. My sister won’t do anything again.
Why won’t anyone help me? I hate them all.
Signed,
Stuffed Pig

Dear Stuffed Pig,
We hear you. We want to emphasize this fact so that you can realize that your voice will be heard. The first person in line who needs to advocate for you is YOU! Start by not calling yourself names. Use your voice to be firm but not one of venom.
We believe the very reason for reaching out to us is because you do know you are a worthy of respect and love. It simply starts with you respecting and loving yourself.
 “Hate” is a very strong word and having thoughts like that will easily continue into actions that are abusive. Pinching and making marks on someone is also bullying. Being the bully might make you feel good for a short, hot minute. However, you will feel worse and worse about yourself. You need to love yourself  by changing into a leader and not being a victim anymore.
Your self-worth is low, but that can be changed. You decide and choose who you want to be.
This new journey means living by the five Cs:
  1. Be polite and civil by smiling, it will catch the bullies off guard. Say something like, “I won’t bully you and you won’t bully me this year,” and look the bullies right in their eyes, then walk away.
  2. Stand up tall with a determined and elegant walk. Your new carriage will show your confidence.
  3. Sit close to the bus driver and ask for help. Gain civility by asking your sister to sit with you and if she won’t, then form a new friendship.
  4. Don’t talk about past bullying. Instead, have the courage to find out what your new friend likes to do. Ask questions and listen.
  5. Find a talent and commit to developing your creativity in a class or club.
The odds are against you on a school bus. It’s an ideal location to be bullied because supervision is minimal. Also, there’s no place to retreat. Refuse bullying tactics by telling all adults involved about your new leadership plan. Suggest professional care if you don’t receive help from your parents, teachers, administrators or bus drivers. 

Signed,
Rhonda and Dr. Cheri