Sunday, July 26, 2015

Who's parenting?

Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,
I’m a single mom with a 15-year-old daughter who is in her second year of cheer at high school. Last year, I let her have a phone for emergencies and she used all her text time and then some. I took her phone away every time she went over her texting limit. Then I just did unlimited texting.

She was bullied and called a slut and a whore at school, on Facebook, and by texts. The principal said she was tired of all the drama from the girls at her school, but she did find out the bully was a former friend of my daughter’s.

My daughter said she was a virgin and there wasn’t any reason that this other girl was saying these things. She became very depressed and almost tried to kill herself.

I told her that I was going to limit and check her Facebook and phone this year and she went ballistic. So I took her phone and it said something like, “The slut is on the cheer team again! Who knows how many guys will get in your pants this time. You’re not going to fool anyone this year. We’ll make sure of that.”

Then I saw her return text saying that girl was just jealous because Sean (not his real name) was sleeping with my daughter and not her. I was shocked and my girl said she wasn’t a virgin and hasn’t been one since last year. I started crying and said I wanted the phone back for good. My daughter threatened suicide again and said really mean things to me.  

She is all I have. I don’t want to lose her.

Broken Hearted Mom

Dear Mom,

We understand it hasn’t been easy to watch your daughter go through all her pain from her choices. “Slut-bullying” is the most common form of bullying (it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not) and it’s wrong. You must go to school (or other) officials who can help stop this savage bullying.

You must set strong boundaries in order to help her know she has rules to keep her safe. Rules are meant for the benefit of your daughter’s emotional, mental, physical and spiritual well being. No rules mean she will surely take control of her life and yours too evidently. Don’t let her bully you. Stand firm! Without boundaries, it’s not going well for her and she’s risking STD’s - sexually transmitted diseases, emotionally stunted growth, and more. She has lost her self-worth but you can help her get it back.

You need to show her that you care and you are not afraid of her threats and manipulations. She’s living a dangerous life and you need to stop her phone, internet and all social media—now!

Change schools, if you must, so she can start over and hopefully realize she doesn’t need to be a victim and she can’t bully you because she was bullied. You need to be the leader in your family, so start leading and watch her change. She will change once she sees that you care.

Permissive parenting is one reason we are becoming a society of victims instead of leaders. Stop being a friend. You are her parent. 

Rhonda and Dr. Cheri

No comments:

Post a Comment