Saturday, June 27, 2015

Bullying victims--get over it!



Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,

I just heard you speak at [a juvenile detention school] I’m in.
You guys are stupid-lame and treat everyone like they are babies. Anyone who kills themselves because they can’t say anything back for themselves deserves to die. I’m so sick of girls at my school acting like they are victims and then whining to each other. This whole bullying thing is making this world a bunch of wimps. I’ve been bullied. Everyone’s been bullied. So what!
Just get over it!
Signed,
Victims are Wimps

Dear Victims are Wimps,
We hear you and can only imagine the emotions which stir up for you as you witness your peers not able or choosing to advocate for themselves. And we suspect that you are not really “over it” and you’re in denial. You could benefit from professional help. Your hostility is evident.  

You might also learn to take your anger and turn it into positive action that helps other victims like one girl’s mother, who took to the internet to get support with a Facebook page. Check out www.facebook.con/imwithshea. She did it to sustain her bullied and brain-injured daughter and also had T-shirts made that say on the front, “I’m with Shea / United We Stand… Bullies Will Fall” and on the back, “I’ve Got Shea’s Back.”

Contributing and serving someone else could make a positive difference in your life and those around you. Consider taking action now to benefit others. Have the courage to use your strengths and stand up for victims. Victims could use your aid.

Remember, contrary to some current reports otherwise, bullying is on the rise:
      Physical Bullying affects 1 in 3 teens
      Emotional and Verbal bullying affects1 in 3 teens
      Sexual Bullying (Especially sexting… which can stay out there forever and may affect college or job applications) affects 1 in 5
      Cyber Bullying – 25% of teens are repeatedly bullied this way and half don’t tell their parents.
And 11 percent of middle school students have been victims of cyberbullying in the past two months, according to one study.

Bullying deeply affects children, teens and may stay well into adulthood with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, substance abuse, and self-harm, with cutting being the most rampant.

Lifelong burdens afflict many women: continued bullying and abuse by a spouse or boyfriend is projected at 80-90 percent for those who were bullied in their childhood and/ or teens.

We are glad you wrote. You would not have written to us if it wasn’t something that actually does matter to you. We’re sorry that you were bullied. Yes, most of us have been bullied at some point in our lives to some degree; however, serious and horrendous bullying has increased aggressiveness. Staggering amounts of cruel bullying is occurring, especially with the advent of cyber-bullying and also with the increasing lack of civility in our society. It’s happening at younger and younger ages.

Follow our Triangle of Triumph which helps girls to go from Victim to Survivor to Leader! How do you do that?
-Decide to not be a victim and gently help others to make that choice without manipulation, badgering or bullying them.
-Learn to Define Yourself Before Others Do™ in social manners that include consideration and compassion for yourself and others.
-Lead by example: which means making genuine compliments and observations about the person you want to connect with, listen more than you speak and ask questions to gather additional information about that person (without judgment), summarize that you care about the person you are creating a relationship with, by reiterating what you heard them say, and finally suggest an activity to do together. 

You need to create healthy relationships and not hostile and controlling ones. We hope you will let yourself feel for you and allow others, including this response, to be of service to you. We hope you will try to help yourself first and then help others. Our society is in dire need of true compassion and kindness. Please don’t pass along your anger and callousness to others. We know you can change for the BEST!

Signed,
Rhonda and Dr. Cheri

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