Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Is this bullying?



Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,       

My daughter, Tiffany, came home and said she thought she was bullied today because someone was really mean to her and said they were going to hurt her or drag her into the street and leave her there because she is ugly and stupid. Tiffany is very shy--but athletic and cute. She has fairly good grades. Why would someone say something like this to her?

I asked if she reported it to the school or a teacher? She said no and after a lot of reluctance she finally agreed to let my husband and I go to the principal and report it. So we did and she said that our daughter must be mistaken because the student she said did this to her was known for being nice and liked by all the teachers and classmates.

I told them my daughter does not make up stories. I asked if the teacher noticed anything and they called the teacher into the meeting. The teacher said Tiffany must have been overly sensitive and dismissed the whole thing.

Then I found out, by chance, at an HOA meeting, that another girl was taunted by this same girl in the same way. Her daughter said the mean girl was like this to a lot of girls but she acts nice around everyone so no one says anything.

This happened a couple of weeks ago and neither my daughter nor the other girl has had anymore incidents occur.

But my daughter is still scared and embarrassed. Should we go back and tell the school?

Signed,

Is This Bullying?



Dear Is This Bullying?

If a person “thinks” they have been bullied, they usually have not been. Most often one incident of this sort isn’t bullying … it is just mean behavior. Here’s what we believe is the definition of bullying and the types of bullying:

  • Physical attacks-hitting, pinching, kicking, tripping, scratching, biting, spitting, throwing food on purpose etc.
  • Damaging property (on purpose)
  • Verbal-name calling-racist, sexist, homophobic jokes or imitations, teasing, sexually suggestive remarks, abusive language, offensive looks and remarks
  • Emotional-gossiping (true or not), exclusion on purpose, hateful rumoring, abusive emails, texts
  • Cyber-bullying-texts, pictures, videos, calls, chat rooms, IM, through websites
 
Bullying is CONSTANT and repeated (by one or several) with the intention to harm and/ or gain something i.e. power, popularity, and sexual magnetism from one person by another or several

What is the main reason our children and youth are being bullied? Revenge & jealousy

The problem Tiffany has when she hears mean comments as a shy girl who has not yet developed is that she becomes more vulnerable to becoming a victim and not finding her identity and leadership capabilities.

Please help her learn to Define Yourself Before Others Do ™ by listing her internal/ external talents i.e. kindness, generosity, cheerfulness or piano playing, soccer, or dancing and also practicing presentation skills such as standing straight and having eye-contact, self-assurance, and focus on others. These are attributes that will help her be a strong leader and not become bullied and/ or stay one.

Have her discover a good friend or two and a support team of mentors from her church, school, or community and she’ll soon be focused on others and feel a greater sense of self-worth.

Signed,

Rhonda and Dr. Cheri

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