Saturday, September 27, 2014

Not Bullied Anymore 4.7.14

Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,

Kids at school have always been mean to me. I found out why. A girl in my class asked if she could come over and talk to me. She came over after school one day and sat in my messy house. She didn’t even say anything about the mess or about my mom laying on the couch eating chips and watching TV.  She just looked me in the eye and said that kids were mean to me all my life because I smelled bad and she said it in a matter of fact way. I thought she was going to say something really cruel, but I was surprised because she gave me a list of things I should do.

At first I was mad at her and then I was embarrassed and I started to cry and told her to leave. She didn’t leave. She just sat there for a really long time. We said nothing and then she left and said she cared about me. I thought it was weird, but my feelings were so hurt, I cried myself to sleep.  The next day my mom woke me up and said that she was really a good person who was trying to help me. My mom never said anything else about it. My mom never says anything. I finally looked at the list and it was all about simple things like

1. Wash my hair

2. Brush my teeth long for two minutes

3. Take a shower every morning and put on deodorant.

That was ten years ago and I just graduated from a cosmetology school and got a job because I’m super organized and stylish. I’m not bullied anymore because that girl did actually care about me and taught me to be well groomed and to care about myself.  My mom actually makes fun of me because I’m so clean and fashionista. That’s ok. I love her. I just wanted to tell you to please tell the girls who write you to take of themselves so they won’t get bullied all the time like me. Like I was.

Signed,
Not Bullied Anymore

Dear Not Bullied Anymore,

Wow! You are so humble and have such a big heart! Congratulations for trying so hard to make life work for you and not being prideful. Your humility helped you to make good changes in your life.  It is very mature of you to see the correlation between good grooming habits and defining yourself in a healthy way so you became less vulnerable to bullying. By writing this letter, you have shown that you went through our Triangle of Triumph from Victim to Survivor to Leader.  Girls, please take our writer’s advise and work on changing yourself in ways that will help you grow. Growing up means you can accept good advice and change. Change can be scary and most of us can become bitter when someone advises us to change.  Learn to discern if someone is truly trying to help by asking yourself if the change that someone offers is sincere and truthful. If it rings true to you then work on changing yourself and be grateful that someone was honest with you.

If the person offering advice to you wants you to change for them so they may control you, learn to ask yourself if you trust their attention. Ask yourself, ” What’s in it for them “… If they are doing it to brag about how they changed you or for some other nefarious (look up words if you don’t know them and then communicate better) reason. Then you may learn to do things because it makes you feel better about yourself, not only to be a people- pleaser.

Thank you for caring and sharing!

(BTW – Your mom loves you)

Rhonda and Dr. Cheri

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