Saturday, September 27, 2014

No More Bullying 5.19.14

Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,

My older sister took care of us when we grew up because my mom was a big party girl.  My dad lived in another state and we never saw him. We didn’t have any other family members around us and so my sister told us all the time how much she hated being stuck with us. She said we weren’t wanted by anyone and that we were worthless and no one loved us. She threatened us all the time to drop us off in a park at night or she’d hit us with anything she could find.

Now her girls, who are six and nine years old, come over and say that she says the same things to them. They say they want to come and live with our family. We go to church every week and they like us to take them, however, their mom said she will study the Bible with them and she doesn’t want us to have them over anymore. She’s a bully and her husband is worse.

Should I call CPS?

Signed,
No More Bullying

Dear No More Bullying,
We’re so proud of you and your desire to end your generational and cyclical family bullying and abuse (BTW – both mean mistreatment).  You don’t actually have grounds to report your sister to CPS because you can’t prove they are in imminent harm.

Also, you don’t want your sister to cut you out of their lives and her life because legal action isn’t your first priority. You can help their whole family by helping your sister. Focus on helping her vs. The girls by telling her you want to support her because you know she’s “overloaded”.  If you threaten her, she may threaten and blame her girls into keeping quiet (for fear of being reported to CPS and being taken away).

Your nieces will then have the added burden of keeping quiet, keeping secrets and maintaining a facade of happiness and emotional health.  Since you and your sister agree on one variable, you both believe in God. Please write her the following letter:

Dear Sister,

I know we both experienced awful abuse, bullying, neglect, abandonment and physical and emotional threats and actions. I know you want a better family than that, and your girls want a family with love and kindness.

I know we both believe in the bible so I know you’ll want to be reminded that all children of God deserve parents or guardians who know that it’s their responsibility and sacred duty to love and serve their children.

It’s a parent’s responsibility to make sure they never demean, humiliate, or cause emotional harm. Emotional harm can be worse than physical harm and both may be lifelong lasting.

There’s a great bible passage that’s good for all parents. It’s Matthew 18:5-6 if you want to look it up.

Your children are crying out for help, protection, and love. They are defenseless. You need to take action to change your behavior.

Tell me how I can help support you because I know you’re overloaded and things have to change for the sake of your family happiness. (End of letter)

We wish you the best. We want to hear back from you about your sister’s progress. Thank you for being willing to do all you can to help and assist the children.

Note: Young ladies – please read the above column and then write a letter to yourself about the type of parent you want to become. Write the top ten choices and change when needed as you mature.

Example:

1. I will speak in kindness to my children.

2. I will hug them and tell them I love them every day.

3. I will apologize when I make a mistake.

Put your special keepsake letter in a special box. Take it out every month on the first day of the month to read and live by.

Rhonda and Dr. Cheri



No comments:

Post a Comment