Saturday, June 28, 2014

Shy And Super Sad 2.17.14

Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,

This girl at my school was friends with me in the summer because her mom and my mom are friends. I told her all kinds of things about myself and my feelings. There was a boy that kind-of hung around us and he also seemed like he liked me at the beginning of the summer and then he liked her. Both of our parents don’t let us go out with guys yet because we are in the sixth grade.

When I started school, I went shopping with this girl and she told me that the clothes I bought were great and looked cool to me. Now she and the boy are going around the school with some other friends and they whisper about me behind my back and when I sat down at lunch with them on the first day of school all of the kids got up and moved away from me. One of the girls goes to my church and she doesn’t even talk to me anymore. They have all pointed at me and laughed at me and then don’t talk to me.

The bus driver said out loud to me that I should go and make friends and sit with other kids. They all heard and laughed at me. I don’t want to ride the bus anymore. I feel sick and don’t want to go to school anymore. I was so excited to go to school this year and now I hate it.

I don’t know what I did and why she is doing this to me.

Why are they all doing this to me?

This girl even told me I was too shy and she told me it was good that I was with her in the summer so she could help me To be popular and not to be shy.

Now I feel like a stupid jerk for believing her.

My mom and her mom think we are all friends so I can’t tell my mom.

Signed,

Shy and Super Sad

Dear Shy and Super Sad,

You have not done anything wrong. You do not deserve to feel sad. These are not your friends and you do not want them for friends. You started your summer, making yourself feel better about who you are and who you are deciding to be. It made you happy to not feel alone and shy anymore.  You chose the perfect path for you to walk on. The journey of defining yourself has five categories: ?

        1. What are your values? Values are demonstrated what you feel about your worth (honesty, kindness, gratitude, etc.… pick three and concentrate on them).

        2. What is your style? No one else may decide this for you (Sporty, Trendy, Romantic, Artistic, Classic pick one that is most true about you most of the time dress consistently in that style so you mirror your true self).

        3. What manners of poise (the way you behave, i.e. Table manners, considerate, politeness, etc.) are important to you? Pick three and work on behaving the way you choose.

        4. How do you want to present Yourself? (Choose presentation skills, i.e. Walking and sitting tall, speaking clearly and using eye contact). Pick three skills and work on them every day.

        5. What talents (internal, i.e. Loving, caring, nurturing and external, i.e. Ballet, chorus, soccer, etc.) do you want? Pick one in each category and try for six months and then choose another and try for six months.
You’ll discover what you are your best talents.

You can take control of your own life in a positive way. You cannot change anyone else but your own self. You can keep up the good work by not letting anyone else decide who you are.

Congratulations for being mature enough to seek help from positive sources. Keep it up. Talk to your church youth leaders or a school counselor you trust.

Girls (Or boys) who betray you, turn others against you, ostracize you, ignore you and single you out to humiliate you, which are all emotional bullying tactics, are turning their own fears of being shunned from seemingly “popular” groups to you.

Bullies don’t want to deal with their own fears. They play the “blame and shame game” to divert attention unfairly on you. It is cowardly.

All bullying is done by cowards who manipulate others for their own gain. She may have become scared because you started to be happy and she could have worried that you might outshine her. She may feel threatened.

However, have a timed pity-party (by yourself so you won’t try the revenge tactic which only hurts you).

Then do not spend one more moment, thinking about why because it doesn’t matter.

It takes a lot of courage to get up each morning and decide that you like who you are. New and true friends will be attracted to you because you learn to like you! Be your own best friend first and change your fears into excitement! Be excited about the new discovery path you are on. It will make you and those you love happy.

Signed,

Rhonda and Dr. Cheri

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