Saturday, June 28, 2014

Not Dark Inside 1.6.14

Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,

I‘m in High School and I have never had a date or even a boyfriend. The kids at school are always bullying me terribly and my teachers ignore them.
I think it’s because I take after my sister who wears a lot of black and dark makeup. But that’s my style and hers too. My brother and his friends make fun of us all the time. They call us names and it really hurts, but I still like how I dress. It’s me and so what if they make fun of me. I don’t like being like his friends, especially the girls because they act like they are better than me. He said I was a sick “Goth” Barbie doll and then called me the Barbie Devil-doll.

How do I wear what I want and get along with the other kids in my school and my brother. Shouldn’t he stick up for me? I would stick up for him and his friends.


Not Dark Inside

Dear Not Dark Inside,

It’s wonderful that you want to Define Yourself Before Others Do! It’s also a very strong choice for you to be determined to dress in a style you have chosen for yourself. That is a great first step! Please know that others and how they respond isn’t something you can change. But you may change yourself to be happier with your own self because you decide how you want to be and that always brings peace and self-satisfaction.

You haven’t mentioned how your parents are dealing with the turmoil going on with your siblings and yourself, so please approach them and ask them for a family timed meeting. It’s important that you keep it timed and do not do this at dinnertime; as that is a special sacred home time to discuss loving, fun and happy events and also to learn about each other in a non-threatening environment. (If you do not have family dinner together yet, please encourage it for the sake of unity, understanding and fun together).

It’s also wonderful that you want to express yourself, however, sometimes our clothing actually hides our true self… Especially if you are hiding behind dark makeup and clothes, instead of enhancing your own natural beauty. Dressing in a dark manner may also be a way to build a security wall so others will back away from you and not hurt your feelings.

Others won’t understand what you are trying to express since dressing in the dark non-styled ways expresses nothing intimate and approachable about you and you sound like what you desire is to be approached and have loving relationships and that is noble and good.

Try choosing one of these following five styles:?

        1. Classic ~ timeless clothes in mostly solid colors (if you use black- add pops of colors in accessories, jewelry, shoes, purses, hair adornments etc…) that are simple and attractive on anyone. Style your hair away from your face or close to it and wear balanced eye and lip makeup.

        2. Romantic ~ Flowing styles that may have small prints, ruffles and ribbons in soft materials and muted colors. Wear curls and soft makeup.

        3. Town and Country ~ Sporty skirts or pants with easy neutral colors or bright tops with Khaki pants, etc. (No sloppy sweats or other cleaning-the-house clothes). Style hair straight or neat and maybe neatly pulled back. Keep makeup very light with sunscreen makeup, lip gloss and a touch of mascara.

        4. Trendy ~ Modest, modern and imaginative clothes that aren’t sloppy (no ripped jeans), always be neat and clean.(Mixing prints and materials is tricky and requires an advanced stylist to do correctly). Remember, don’t ever be distracting because that takes away from your big heart. Wear appropriate trendy makeup, but not wild. Bright lips without dark Smokey Eyes except at night for special occasions (Soft Smokey Eyes are good) or bright eyes and neutral lips.

        5. Artsy ~ This is museum art – like clothing, but not so overt that it is distracting and that’s all anyone notices. Interesting accessories are great, but again, not distracting. Bright lips and light eyes or vice versa is good makeup techniques for this style.

Note: Your clothing style should be clean, neat, moderate and modest, especially if you don’t want to be distracted with your look which may invite attention, critical eyes and mouthing off towards yourself. You say you like your dark look but Nevertheless, if they still bully you, please tell adults and ask for help! There is no excuse for bullying!


Rhonda and Dr. Cheri

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